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Dumbledore returns, plus cheerleaders from the future travel backward in time to save Star Trek!
By Gregg Easterbrook
Special to NFL.com
(Aug. 10, 2004) -- Thank goodness it's about to end -- that long, lonely NFL offseason will conclude, and the nutty artificial universe of pro football resumes. Not a moment too soon! All the madness, the hype, the ill-tempered gentlemen slamming into each other, the scantily attired cheer-babes. I don't know about you, but I can't wait.
In a moment, my annual review of offseason highlights -- actually, lowlights. But first, a Tuesday Morning Quarterback public-policy proposal: uniform amnesty. All NFL teams that have adopted garish new color schemes or monochrome looks, TMQ is proclaiming an amnesty. Return to your old uniforms, and no questions asked.
For my money, the Bills, Bolts, Broncos, Cowboys, Falcons, Giants, Jets, Patriots, Seahawks and Titans went downhill with their uniform alterations; only the Bucs, Eagles and Rams look better in their revisionist duds than those that came before.
The Cowboys: What, exactly, was wrong with preserving the look that won all those Super Bowls?
The Giants: They switched to gray as an accent color, now there's a color that really pops, and made themselves the slowest-looking team in the league.
The Seahawks: They look like they just fell into a pot of finger paints.
Tennessee: The old Oiler jerseys were sleek and glistening, the new shoulder-pads-squares thing makes Titans' players appear to be sewing mannequins escaped from a couturière.
The Falcons: Their unis are now so busy, the players look like walking computer screensavers.
The Broncos: Sure orange and blue was weird, but it was also bold, and if it was good enough for Floyd Little, it's good enough for me.
The Bills: How could a team abandon red, white and American flag blue? Which, not to put too fine a point on it, is the single-most successful color scheme in world history.
Please, NFL teams, return to your old uniforms. You can bring the new ones to the league headquarters loading dock and abandon them there. You won't have to give your names.
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