By Daniel H. Blazejewski
Oct 27, 2004, 11:03
Without demanding express written consent to give an account of the football game, how do you expect the Colts to pay Peyton Manning $130 million over the next six years? With the lost revenue from Mr. Wiggins careless tongue-flapping, Peyton might only be able to acquire $129,999,999.99. Now, don’t you feel just a little selfish, taking the money out of his hands like that?
Thomas Wiggins, of Lincoln, Nebraska, was jailed yesterday and is awaiting trial on charges of providing an account of an NFL game without the league’s express written consent. If convicted, he could face up to 40 years in a federal penitentiary.
“All I did was ask Bob, ‘Hey, did you see the game last night?’” he said, referring to the October 18th Monday Night Football game between the St. Louis Rams and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. “He said, ‘No,’ and then I just said, ‘You should have seen it, it was great. Rams by a touchdown.’ No sooner had I uttered those words than I found myself flat on my stomach with a big burly guy’s knee in my back putting ‘cuffs on me. There were three other guys, all dressed in black, they shoved me in Suburban, and we took off. I must have fainted, because the next thing I knew, I was right here, sitting behind bars in Lincoln.”
National Football League commissioner Paul Tagliabue told Glossy News, “I realize that it may seem harsh, but I’m afraid that we must maintain a zero-tolerance policy on this kind of thing. I mean, the man gave away the outcome of the game. Now there’s one man who won’t need to sit down and watch the game – that means lost revenue for us, it means lost revenue for the local sports bar and all the advertisers supporting the NFL; everybody loses.”
“But, but…” sputtered Wiggins, “All I said was ‘You should have seen it, it was great. Rams by a touchdown.’ That hardly seems like a crime!”
Tagliabue explained from behind a sea of mahogany, “in fact, if you listen carefully to our copyright, you technically can’t even talk about the game to other people, not even when you’re still watching that very game with those same other people. We don’t normally enforce that rule, but it is there – no accounts of the game without express written consent of the NFL.”
Peyton Manning, quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts offered, “Those games pay my modest salary. If we don’t get every cent we're due from these televised games, how do you expect them to keep me in my humble job? Tens of millions of dollars don't just grown on trees, you know?”
Baltimore Ravens running back Jamal Lewis asked, “What’s a copyright? Why is that man in jail? Did he get caught buying and selling crack cocaine, too? At least all I got was a two game suspension. He should appeal it and see if he can get out in a couple games, the commissioner will go for it if he's got a good agent.”
Wiggins, even without an agent, is unrepentant. “I’ll tell everybody I know,” he shouted from his cell. “Tampa Bay, 21, St. Louis, 28! St. Louis gained a touchdown on a fumble and defensive touchdown! Yeah! Now I’m a big time criminal! Yeah! What’re you going to do about it?”
Tagliabue is equally stern. “We’re going to ask [the court] for the death penalty. We just can’t have folks going around, telling people about the games. There are so many jobs at stake here, so many reasonable, negotiated salaries that have to be paid by the NFL. Signing bonuses alone are enough to rebuild Iraq. It may seem harsh, but Mr. Wiggins was warned against his actions. The fault here is his own – and also perhaps the exclusive property of the National Football League.”
http://www.glossynews.com/artman/publis ... -979.shtml
Of course this isn't a REAL story
but it was a good read
Man am I happy THAT's a joke 
Thanks for posting, 1niksder