Kicked in the gut...

[BossHog]

So if you're buddy totally deserved whatever he was getting.... and you still gave him your 100% support... what's the difference betwen the guy who punched out your buddy in the analogy and the wife-to-be?


But please don't think you should punch out his wife.

I make jokes, but really dude, if your friend is really that important to you, rise above his actions, be your own man, do the right thing and know that in the end.... you can only be responsible for your own actions.

If you do what's right, then you ultimately do what's right for both you, and for your friend.

Even if he doesn't realize it or recognize it... one day it might be the thing that makes your buddy make the right decision for you.

What comes around, goes around brother... good or bad.

[Skinsfan55]

That's true...

If he wants me to participate and be there for him in the ceremony... then I should do it... because I'm sure it would mean a lot to both of us...

Still, I would like to tell him how I feel about this... but will there ever be a right time for that? Should I do it after the wedding like JBOD said or just hold it in forever? Should I talk to him soon?

[Steve Spurrier III]

Still, I would like to tell him how I feel about this... but will there ever be a right time for that? Should I do it after the wedding like JBOD said or just hold it in forever? Should I talk to him soon?

How soon is the wedding? If it's still a ways away, you can go ahead and do it now. If it's right around the corner, that probably wouldn't be right.

It might not be the healthiest thing, but I'd still recommend holding it in forever, unless he brings it up first.

[Skinsfan55]

His wedding is in a little less than a year.

Beginning of July next year.

I just want to know the truth... did he really let his fiance' "bully" him into making this decision? Did he actually choose "Jack" (seems unlikely, but I guess you would need to know Jack...), did he really think I would be unable to serve as best man (also seems unlikely since we talked about it before, and I am pretty clearly the most responsible of all his friends.)

That's why I want to talk to him... to tell him how I feel, and to know why he chose the way he did.

Even being an usher requires a lot of committment, so it's still an honor... but seeing as how we talked about it serving as each other's best man in the past it seems something major would have to happen for him to change his mind...

[BossHog]

That's true...

If he wants me to participate and be there for him in the ceremony... then I should do it... because I'm sure it would mean a lot to both of us...

Still, I would like to tell him how I feel about this... but will there ever be a right time for that? Should I do it after the wedding like JBOD said or just hold it in forever? Should I talk to him soon?

There's never a good time to have an argument... and it may end up in an argument.

But there's never a good time to hold anything in either in my opinion, but that's just my own personal nature. As long as you're willing to be a man about it and not petty though.... then when you say something shouldn't matter.

How you say it will be what's important.

If you really want your friend to be honest with you then do you have any choice but to be honest with him? It's fine to tell him how you feel if you're going at this like you're going to support him no matter what. That doesn't give you licence to be a jerk about it, but it does entitle you to tell him that it hurt your feelings, why it hurt your feelings, and most importantly, that the fact that he means a lot to you is the reason that you are supporting him regardless of how hurt you feel by their decision.

You have no idea what's gone on... for all you know this has been a nightly argument between the two of them as to whether or not you fit the mold of the best man... like he said... he's going to try and tell you something that he thinks will make it easier for you to hear... want him to be straight with you? It might start with being straight with him...

And if you wanna be straight with him, then that starts by getting straight with yourself on it first.

That means getting over the hurt before you think about going to him with it... and only you will know when that's actually true... be it before the wedding... or after the wedding (for god's sake don't decide to do it DURING the wedding). When you yourself have got over the shock or the hurt, then it will allow you to approach the conversation from where you need to in order to be fair to you and to your friend. That might be tomorrow, that might be the day after the wedding.... but know that YOU being right with it is what makes it the right time... it has nothing to do with him.

That means being honest with YOURSELF.

There will be no 'faking it' once the bombs start flying... so if you only think you're over it... you stand to do a lot of damage to your relationship.

You need to be willing to stand there and be lied to or be sworn at or chastised, and to still be able to just smile and say, 'yeah but you're my best friend and I wouldn't miss this big day of yours for the world.'

That's when you'tre ready to have the talk.... not until.

[Skinsfan55]

That's good advice. Thanks.

I'm a lot less hurt than I was even this afternoon, but I might not be totally over it. I need to wait until I am 100% happy and comfortable with my role as an usher, and his decision. (Like I said before, Jack is a good guy, and I don't dislike him in the least... I'm just jealous. In fact, choosing Jack may be a way to not hurt his brother Alan, friend Rob or me... all of whom would be deserving of the honor.)

When I am finally ready, I will tell him I am excited and honored that he chose me to be an usher, but that I'm hurt he chose Jack as his best man over me.

Because of the responsibilities of being best man, I now seriously doubt that he chose Jack just to make the ceremony look prettier. (Though who knows, it may be true.)

I want to tell him that even though his percieved lack of trust in me hurts my feelings, that I'll still be the best usher I can be, and I'll still have the car running in the alley if he wants to book it.

When the time comes, Mike is probably still my choice for Best Man. It's a lot of responsibility, that might be hard for him to handle... but he's still my closest friend in the world.

[Skinsfan55]

Hey guys.

After I stopped being upset, I called my friend Mike. I went over after work and we talked a little bit about his best man choice.

I said I was excited that he wanted me to participate in his wedding, but that it did hurt my feelings a little that I wasn't the best man like we talked about.

He told me he agonized over the decision, and just couldn't decide between all his close friends. The idea of having the ushers and bridesmaids look like couples was more or less a way to take the decision out of his hands because he didn't want to choose.

Makes sense, because he's always trying to please everyone, but everything's all squared away now. Jack, Rob, and I are all groomsmen... and Rob put it this way: "We don't have to say anything at the reception if we don't want, we don't have to do any work, and we don't have to worry about losing the ring."

I'm really looking forward to Mike's wedding... at least I was... until he told me he wants a black tux with tails, bowler hats, canes and pink vests as the garb us ushers are meant to wear...

[UK Skins Fan]

Now, doesn't that feel better?

[thaiphoon]

If you guys actually talked about being the best man for each other, of course this hurts.

Something tells me that there is something else going on here. Any man with stones would tell his soon-to-be bride that who the best man is is HIS decision, not hers. If she actually forced him to pick someone else, the marriage is doomed from the start.

Back to you.

Suck it up and be there for your friend. You're still a groomsman and that, too, is an honor not a lot of people have.

JH hit the nail on the head.

Of course, sometime later when you guys are having beers you can tell him it was a sh$%y thing to do. But for now, suck it up and be there for him. My guess is this other guy will be the "best man" in name only and he'll be looking to you to perform alot of the duties anyway.

[REDEEMEDSKIN]

I still think your friend is totally wrong, and you were right from the beginning.

You just gave in to his woman by accepting your limited role.

Happy Thursday.





Please realize I'm only joking, and that I think you did the wise thing and are doing what's best for your boy. Plus, you can always get him back by making your groomsmen were lavender tuxes at YOUR wedding.


And, yes, writing this part of the message in black was purely intentional.

[tcwest10]

For a while there, I was wondering if maybe the real problem is...you wanted to be the bride.

[REDEEMEDSKIN]

[Fios]

I have to say, the more I read the guy's posts, the less surprising this turn-of-events becomes

[dnpmakkah]

First off let me say that I completly understand why you feel the way you do. I will not deny your right to be upset or hurt. Whenever you get hurt by someone you care about its a tough thing to handle but in time you will get over it.

[redskingush]

Well, if the fiance is choosing the best man, enjoy the wedding and the time with your buddy because if hes lost the right to decide his"best man" theres a good chance when hes actually married he might be able to see his friends again, I would recommend he get out of the wedding before he's in divorce court!!

[tcwest10]

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