Everyone, HELP! My letter from my HOA

[Punu]

So I got this letter yesterday, I want to respond, just dont know what and how to. I personally am very angry with this letter.... I am never home, and when I am, I dont make noise... but what they suggest is ridiculous! Read on...

Dear Punu & Family:

We have recently received complaints about the level of noise being generated from your unit. Specifically, it sounds as if people are running up and down the stairs, often late at night, and other noises are at the volume that can be heard through the adjoining paritions of neighboring home. The constructions of your homes is such that noise tarnsmits through the walls into adjoining homes. Please be aware of the volume of noise created. In addition, cooking smells are also transmitted to adjoining homes. You may want to consider using your exhaust fan more frequently when cooking.

You are part of a community that must share close living accommodations. If you are not considerate of your neighbors it can create very difficult situations. We hae instructed neighbors to contact the Fairfax County Police Department with any future noise complaints.

Thank you for you immediate attnetion to this matter. Should you have an question, please contact me.


okay okay okay... I live in a townhome, but we do not make noise!!!!! We dont even argue! ugh. HELP.

cooking smells are also transmitted to adjoining homes

Yeah all the meatloaf and mash patatoes my mom makes really stinks. That pasta is crazy. We make indian food like once a week!!!!!

I want to respond...

[cvillehog]

My HOA would just issue fines. Bunch of geriatric bastards with too much time on their hands.

[Punu]

Furthermore... we cannot even run up and down the stairs 90% of the time, my mom has health problems that makes her very slow... my wife just does not run, niether does my brother (in the house) and I am always to tired from spending 10 hours at work and 2 at the gym to even attempt to run anywhere, nevermind the stairs.

[REDEEMEDSKIN]

We have recently received complaints about the level of noise being generated from your unit. Specifically, it sounds as if people are running up and down the stairs, often late at night, and other noises are at the volume that can be heard through the adjoining paritions of neighboring home.

...okay okay okay... I live in a townhome, but we do not make noise!!!!! We dont even argue! ugh. HELP.

My wife and I lived in an apartment where the neighbors above used to make loud "noises" as well, late at night. Many a times did I wake up thinking, why are they bouncing a ball at 3AM, when we are sleeping???

Turns out they were "getting to know each other" better, if ou know what I mean.

Perhaps you and the Mrs. are a wee bit too "loud" for your neighbors. Perhaps you should leave out the acrobatics from your routine.

I can't comment on the food situation, though. That is beyond my area of expertise.

[Redskins Rule]

I think you should contact the paranormal investigators. If you don't make those noises/ smells then someone is. Its got to be the ghosts. You should get your house checked out for that. Besides, it would be funny as hell if your neighbors come home from work one day and see those guys parked just outside your place. Even if there aren't any ghosts in your house I think they'll leave you alone after that.

[REDEEMEDSKIN]

Furthermore... we cannot even run up and down the stairs 90% of the time, my mom has health problems that makes her very slow... my wife just does not run, niether does my brother (in the house) and I am always to tired from spending 10 hours at work and 2 at the gym to even attempt to run anywhere, nevermind the stairs.

It might just be that your neighbors are Cowboys fans, and they're tryin' to get back at ya somehow.

[Jake]

Or it could be a letter directed towards another house with your name mistakingly on it?

[Punu]

Naw, I think there's a few ppl who dont like us.... why? I dont know! But I still need to respond, still figuring out a way to do so. I just dont wanna write it when I am angry. I'd end up sounding like this..."Dear HOA, you wrote us a letter regarding our noise and cooking... well I threw your letter away because I considered it a joke, if you respond, I will throw that one away, but not before I piss on it, good day".

[Justice Hog]

Two words - AIR HORN.

Blow it once or twice a night at 2:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.. Do it quickly so they won't be able to tell where it's coming from. Then deny it's you.

After a few weeks, stop doing it.

They'll all-of-the-sudden think...what a quiet neighbor I have!

[Hoss]

Two words - AIR HORN.

Blow it once or twice a night at 2:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.. Do it quickly so they won't be able to tell where it's coming from. Then deny it's you.

After a few weeks, stop doing it.

They'll all-of-the-sudden think...what a quiet neighbor I have!

[Punu]

Two words - AIR HORN.

Blow it once or twice a night at 2:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.. Do it quickly so they won't be able to tell where it's coming from. Then deny it's you.

After a few weeks, stop doing it.

They'll all-of-the-sudden think...what a quiet neighbor I have!

you sir, you are my hero.
I'm so pissed I may actually do this.

[hailskins666]

Two words - AIR HORN.

Blow it once or twice a night at 2:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.. Do it quickly so they won't be able to tell where it's coming from. Then deny it's you.

After a few weeks, stop doing it.

They'll all-of-the-sudden think...what a quiet neighbor I have!

sounds good.

man, i'm so excited about moving into a city maintained nieghborhood WITHOUT a farging HOA. my new nieghbors can completely hate me, and there's nothing they can do about it.

[Chris Luva Luva]

Two words - AIR HORN.

Blow it once or twice a night at 2:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.. Do it quickly so they won't be able to tell where it's coming from. Then deny it's you.

After a few weeks, stop doing it.

They'll all-of-the-sudden think...what a quiet neighbor I have!

That is soooo something I'd so. Im spiteful and I enjoy every second of it.

[NikiH]

That's where we are here hailskins and I love not having the drama of a HOA. Everyone we know who has to deal with one has had nothing but trouble with them. And the kicker is that you have to pay them to bug the hell out of you. How freaking ironic.

[hailskins666]

That's where we are here hailskins and I love not having the drama of a HOA. Everyone we know who has to deal with one has had nothing but trouble with them. And the kicker is that you have to pay them to bug the hell out of you. How freaking ironic.

i despise it. they mow my grass. big freakin deal. i can mow my own grass. the HOA gets together once a year, to agree on what we CAN'T do on our own property in my nieghborhood. makes me sick.

[Punu]

Well I'm gonna write the letter on monday and just drop it off. I'll tell you guys what happened. I was also think'n about running for a position in the HOA... is that how it works?

[Redskin in Canada]

I have a different wavelength than everybody else here. I suggest something like:

Dear HOA,

Thank you for your letter. I appreciate your interest and effort to make it possible to make our living experience satisfactory to all of us.

Thank you also for the opportunity to address the concerns raised in your letter. Let me address them one by one in the order in which you raise them:

1) We are not aware and we simply do not understand why and when these noises allegedly blamed on me and my family come from. We all appreciate quiet time late at night as much everybody else in this living complex. My mother is an elderly lady who appreciates more than anybody else peace and quiet.

2) As far as using the stove fan, we appreciate your advice and we try to use it as often and as long as necessary. It is not perfect but neither is the fan of all other neighbours in the complex. We also sense and understand the limitations imposed by our close proximity.

3) As far as calling Police when neighbours feel it to be appropriate, I agree wholeheartedly. I feel that Police will be in a position to determine where the alleged noise may come from and what smells, if any, might originate from what unit, and whether they are unbearable or uncomfortable to any or all of us. Police may also help determine whether any of these allegations have any merit or whether they are complete waste of their and our time.

I look forward to make our living conditions as comfortable as possible with the cooperation of everybody.

Sincerely,

Punu
----------------

And then I would keep both letters for whatever happens on the LEGAL FRONT, and in case POLICE really is called.

I would also contact a human rights adviser because these alegations may have a discriminatory origin.

Be smart, be smarter than them, be the smartest of them all in terms of STRATEGY. Do not speak or write in anger. That is when we all are the stupidest of all.

Sincerely,

RiC

PS Whereare your Hognostications Champion?

[Punu]

RIC, thank you!!!! You write so well! I'm gonna use it bro!

[Jake]

RIC, thank you!!!! You write so well! I'm gonna use it bro!

Make sure you spell check his French/Canadian/English text he uses, though.

Neighbors, RIC. Neighbors.

[Redskin in Canada]

Just doing my job the way I know how.

[tcwest10]

What the heck is an "HOA" ?

[Irn-Bru]

What the heck is an "HOA" ?

I don't know, but whatever they are, there are a ton of rap songs that I hear about them.

[Warmother]

What the heck is an "HOA" ?

Home owners Association. Thankfully I don't have to deal with one. I've never heard anybody say they have had good experience with one.

Punu I would do what RIC said. It's better to remain classy in a case like this.