The best letter yet

BernieSki · Post by **BernieSki** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 2:12 pm

A friend sent me this letter, it is a great read.

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York .

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

HailSkins94 · Post by **HailSkins94** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 4:58 pm

Hahaha that would be grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

joebagadonuts · Post by **joebagadonuts** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 5:13 pm

wha? what happened? i go away for awhile, and i wake up in 1930's germany!

Gibbs' Hog · Post by **Gibbs' Hog** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 5:18 pm

If any President ever said anything that ignorant, we would end up fearing much more than Islamic extremists...

How much do you think our clothes would cost if we broke away from China?

How much do you think gas would cost if we strictly contained ourselves to the small production of oil we're capable of procuring within the U.S.?

How much do you think automobiles would cost if we broke ties with Japan?

Say bye-bye to the U.S. tourism industry - one of our biggest assets, for visitors from abroad as well as sending ourselves to other places.

Technology? What technology? India, China, et. al. would surpass us in no time, if they haven't already.

No more foreign investments - a lot of rich people would be very upset to lose all their money.

and if World War III were to commence, I'd know exactly who to blame - who did you say sent you that letter again?

King Cali Skin 2 · Post by **King Cali Skin 2** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:39 pm

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

Genius... All the rest is pretty funny, I like the part about no more aid to bastard foreign states to pay off the war, great and the part about our excess military on the US / Mexican boarder. But Trade is required for economic growth

Tom C · Post by **Tom C** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:49 pm

I can't get past the first really ignorant statement.

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

We defeated IRAQ's regimes in a few days/weeks. Only an idiot would think that we couldn't defeat a 3rd world country in a matter of days. What we are failing at is nation building.

I didn't read the rest of this article after the first few lame sentences.

Tom C · Post by **Tom C** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:01 pm

Ok, I read a little further:

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

That's exactly what we should be doing and should have been doing all along. Why the big detour down the rabbit hole called Iraq? You are aware there's zero connection between 9/11 and Iraq. Most of those terrorist were from Saudi Arabia. Every time I fill up with gas I'm over joyed at how we are making those Suadi's pay for fostering terrorism.

King Cali Skin 2 · Post by **King Cali Skin 2** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 12:34 pm

Bomb Saudi Arabia just take their oil, I never liked their kingdom. You know the US spent over $455B on military last year around 47% of global Military spending, next highest was England and Germany with about $40B each

curveball · Post by **curveball** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 6:24 pm

Tom C wrote: Only an idiot would think that we couldn't defeat a 3rd world country in a matter of days. .

It's nice to see you understand who the idiots are. The list of liberal politicians and media personalities who claimed the opposite pre-invasion is impressive.

tcwest10 · Post by **tcwest10** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 10:37 pm

Tell you what, though...I'm Pro-Canada. Not only has it brought me this site, it also exports all those great cold fronts that give me snow to plow on overtime.