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Leaving "down low" in the dust: Former Redskins player speaks candidly about being gay and living with HIV

Washington Blade - December 19, 2003
Greg Smiley


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Georgia Native Roy Simmons played for the New York Giants from 1979-'83, and with the Washington Redskins from '83 to '85, including during the team's Super Bowl XVIII victory in 1984.
Nicknamed "Sugar Bear" by his former teammates for his warmth and generosity, Simmons hid his sexual orientation from most everyone until the early 1990s. It's understandable in an atmosphere where players and even the president of a football team still use derogatory terms for gays during angry moments. According to news reports, Detroit Lions president Matt Millen apologized this week for twice describing Kansas City receiver Johnnie Morton as a "faggot" after a game Sunday, Dec. 14.

Simmons, a 47-year-old retired athlete, came out as a gay man in 1992 on the "Phil Donahue Show," a time preceded by fear and confusion. Before then, he abused alcohol and illicit drugs and was living on the "down low," a trendy term in some gay social circles for black gay or bisexual men who are either in the closet or do not identify as gay.

Earlier this month, Simmons came out again, this time as a person living with HIV.

He now lives in Massachusetts, on Martha's Vineyard, and has given over much of his care to his best friend, Jimmy Hester, who also is HIV-positive, and his naturopathic doctor, Roni DeLuz.

He's working on a book about his life with sports writer Benoit Lewis. And in January, Simmons plans to begin speaking at colleges and working to educate people nationwide about HIV/AIDS.

He recently spoke with the Blade.

Washington Blade: How did your football career begin?

Roy Simmons: Well, I grew up in Savannah, Georgia. I played a number of positions - offensive tackle, defensive tackle, offensive guard, nose guard. I was recruited by a number of schools, but I wanted to stay in state close to home, so I went to Georgia Tech. I did well in school, both academically and athletically, and I thought I'd be drafted in the NFL's first round. All the scouts thought that. Everyone thought that. But I didn't go until the eighth [round] to the Giants.

Blade: Sounds like a major disappointment.

Simmons: Things had always gone my way up until that point. Words don't describe it. I was embarrassed, humiliated, angry. There are some moments in your life that are history-making events. Things you don't forget.

Blade: What other events come to mind as history-making moments?

Simmons: When I met my daughter's mother in the third grade, that's one. The birth of my daughter. I'd say sobriety. Doing drugs. Attending the Super Bowl with the Redskins. Being baptized here on Martha's Vineyard in the ocean. Freeing myself on the "Donahue Show" in 1992. That helped a lot of people. Meeting Dr. Roni through my best friend, Jimmy. I'm pleased and honored to have met these two beautiful angels in my life.

Blade: When did you find out you were HIV-positive, and what was that initial moment like?

Simmons: I was diagnosed in 1997. I was scheduled to go to Israel by myself on a spiritual retreat for a couple of weeks, but I went to the doctor before I went. I had been sick with all this stuff I don't get - earache, sore throat. He asked me when was the last time I was tested, and I said three or four years ago.

Blade: Were you worried?

Simmons: I was nervous. No one is totally sure. Especially when it comes to intercourse. Some people have blackouts that they can't remember [what they did]. Being told that I was positive, there's a shade of darkness that comes over you - fear, knowing that you're going to die. At that point, I had been clean for five years. I was a substance abuse counselor in East Hampton, New York. It was just shocking. Having to make that call to your mother - that was awful.

Blade: And telling your daughter?

Simmons: Kara? Yes. Telling her - it was not easy. A lot of crying, despair. Overall though, I am her Dad. And there is forgiveness.

Blade: Your announcement to come out this year as HIV-positive coincided with World AIDS Day on Dec. 1. What went into your decision to come forward at this moment?

Simmons: Well, my experience with Jimmy and Dr. Roni. Jimmy's an old friend of mine from my days as a New York Giant. He was the busboy at the restaurant that many of the Giants would hang out in. I've known him that long. He brought me to Martha's Vineyard to take charge of my life and my health. He said, "I made a promise to help you, and now you must make a promise to help others. This is my way." It is a beautiful experience of setting yourself free again [after] years of torture and anguish.

Blade: What is your message and how are you going about educating people?

Simmons: The message is: "Respect yourself. Get tested. And be honest." I'm hoping to work through seminars, the churches and the media. Also through my Web site, www.sugarbear.info. I've recently spoken with Debra Fraser-Howze of the National Black Leadership Campaign on AIDS [in New York]. We want to work together to help resolve this situation, and together are looking at ways to partner together.

Blade: Living life on the down low ... having relationships with women but also with men on the side. Would you say that you were a typical representation of that lifestyle?

Simmons: Yes, I was typical until 1992 when I came out on the "Phil Donahue Show." That was a big step for me. After freeing myself, I have thought it important to educate women. They need to be educated, because they're in the relationships with these guys who are on the down low. Some women don't want to deal with it, just overlook it. I feel that as far as condoms, it seems like it's too much effort for them. But condoms, they are the answer - they are part of the answer.

Blade: So I know you've had significant relationships with women. Do you see yourself as bisexual or gay?

Simmons: I'm gay [laughs]. I'm a gay black man in America.

Blade: Do you have a partner?

Simmons: Um, no [laughs] I don't. I don't.

Blade: Would you like one?

Simmons: I would consider a significant other but it's not here. It's not happening. I'm not against having someone come into my life, but I'm not going to rush it either. When it happens, it happens and I'll be grateful.

Blade: What kind of person are you looking for?

Simmons: Kind. Spiritual. A hard worker. Someone who's honest, has self-respect, and a respect for others. All those things come under "loving" and "caring."

Blade: Eleven years ago on the "Phil Donahue Show," what was that day like? Simmons: That day, leading up to it, was a lot of fear - fear and confusion. Then it was a sense of freeing myself.

Blade: What was the confusion about?

Simmons: Well, pre-judging ... what was everybody going to think. There were a lot of people who I didn't have time to tell. Most people, you want to call and tell them personally, but you just can't.

Blade: You played for the Giants for four years and then the Redskins for two, before being cut in 1985. What are the differences between the NFL now and then?

Simmons: Well, the guys, they're larger. They're gladiators, macho men. And players now are much more highly paid. They seem a little more spoiled than in the past. I still think, though, that it's just a bunch of human guys playing on a team.

Blade: Is their work ethic different?

Simmons: No, they know it's primarily a business, and they know their purpose there, and they are there to take their jobs seriously.

Blade: Do you think part of their job is to come forward with a macho, angry attitude and that, perhaps, acting homophobic is part of "the job?"

Simmons: Not at all. I think that it depends on the person, the individual. A lot also depends on where they were raised - home, school, people they've come in contact with. It's much more personal than that.

Blade: Do you think NFL players are more anti-gay than the general population?

Simmons: Not at all. I've heard just as many comments on the team about "to each his own" or "just as long as I'm not approached" or "It doesn't bother me -I'm not."

Blade: Do you think people like Jeremy Shockey (current New York Giants player) and all his comments are indicative of anything? (Shockey called Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells a "homo" before this season.)

Simmons: Well, I think his comments and those of [Atlanta Falcons Defensive End Patrick] Kerney [who made a comment recently about World AIDS Day and questioned why there is no "World Cancer Day"] are really more about getting people educated. Crazy, sarcastic remarks are bad. But with HIV, it could happen to anybody - to them, to anyone - and sometimes it does. So, I wouldn't be throwing stones at anybody, even though you are entitled to your opinion.

Blade: Why do you think that there are no "out" professional athletes on any team sports?

Simmons: If you're a player making X millions of dollars, are you going to come out of the closet knowing that it's going to affect your salary, and basically your life? Why would anyone take such a risk without having anything as a backup?

Blade: Do you think it'd be different than if it were a superstar, who might have other options?

Simmons: No, I think it'd be harder for a superstar, with endorsements, being known around the world. It adds up to money.

Blade: Did you play with any gay people?

Simmons: No one openly. I suspected individuals, but back then there were just whispers. There were gay reporters, other people, but not on the team, no.

Blade: If you were going to predict for a moment who might come out first, what sport would you say they might come from?

Simmons: I'd say baseball, maybe. They're all basically athletes, but with baseball, there's much less physical contact.

Blade: Would you say that you'd like to work with the NFL on gay issues and HIV/AIDS issues?

Simmons: Definitely. Educating the players. Being that there's a tendency for there to be more black players in the NFL, I'd like to educate them on HIV-prevention and on down low topics, because I think that it would it would apply to many of them.

Blade: Do you think there are a number of people living on the down low in the NFL?

Simmons: I would say so, yeah.

Blade: And what makes you think that?

Simmons: Well, first of all, none are coming forward and saying that "I am gay," and I know some of them are. There are still some dating women and using them for their own purpose, and hiding that they're gay. It's a routine. It's part of what they do.

Blade: So how are you keeping busy?

Simmons: I see Dr. Roni every day. With my physical conditioning, I lift weights and run two to three miles a day. And just loving myself - getting to know me all over again.

Blade: What kind of memories do you have about being a Redskin?

Simmons: I had the chance to be with some very spiritual people on that team. Going to the Super Bowl. Oh, that was great.

Blade: What was that like?

Simmons: Oh you know: lights, camera, action. I could never forget it. I think D.C. itself is such a great town.

Blade: But did you have a problem with drugs about that time?

Simmons: Yes. I was active during that time. Active in the sense that I got a lot of invitations to a lot of things at that time. Lot of things going on.

Blade: Which drugs did you use. Have a problem with?

Simmons: Alcohol, marijuana, cocaine. I think the cocaine was the biggest mistake.

Blade: So what were some of the darker moments from that time?

Simmons: Well, not paying enough attention to my daughter.

Blade: Are you close with her now?

Simmons: She's proud of what I have done, and I am so proud of her. She's 21, a graduate in psychology. She's done some amazing things.

Blade: Would you say you have regrets?

Simmons: Yes, of course. I wish I had known a lot of things. Some places in my life, I wish I had done things differently, I wish I had listened better. I wish I had been there more for my daughter [during] the times that I was needed. I'm trying to make it up now. That's all I can do. And I regret not wearing condoms. We wouldn't be having this conversation if I had.

I would think think that most Skins fans remember our former tight end, Jerry Smith, whose record Chris ey broke this year. Unfortunately Jerry Smith also fell into this category and died from the disease a few years ago.

The Hogster wrote:Evidenee we should never take a player from the Giants.