The-Hogs.net - Washington Football Discussion, Redskins to Commanders Era

We were bored at work the other day which resulted in an e-mail soliticing movie ideas. Here is mine:

Genre of Film: Romantic action-adventure tragi-comedy
Lead Actor: Chuck Norris
Lead Actress: Queen* Latifah
Supporting Actor: Chris Tucker
Supporting Actress: Barbra Streisand*
Director: Quentin Tarantino

Plot of movie (optional): A white man (Chuck Norris) who is undeniably white (more accurately, he is awkwardly and embarrassingly white) thinks he maybe, might be a black man because he has a decent jump shot, owns a copy of "Shaft" (OK, it's the 2000 version ... OK, he doesn't technically "own" it .. fine, it's an overdue rental but it still counts) and has always felt that Tupac was speaking directly to him goes on a quest to find his "real" mother (as opposed to his birth mother) played by Queen Latifah.
He teams up with Chris Tucker in a ground-breaking piece of filmmaking in which a black and white person are paired together as a little hilarity, and a lot of understanding, ensues.
Tucker's trademark fingernails-on-a-chalkboard personality adds to every hilarious* scene in which he yells "You ain't white, you are crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaazzy." (4,562 times in total)
The highlight of this 12-hour, 56-minute marathon is a 56-minute rap-off between Norris and Streisand which, somehow, has a strongly homo-erotic undercurrent and might be the most depressing thing ever recorded were it not for Steven Seagal's entire career.
In a typically bizarre Tarantino twist ending, Norris is executed once for every episode of Walker Texas Ranger that sucked, for a grand total of a lot of executions as each episode sucked.
*Not actually a queen
*Not actually talented
*Not actually funny

Black guy + white guy = overused

Too bad you didn't have a "none" option. Now....if Leonard Nemoy played the starring role, then we're talkin!

Fios wrote:He teams up with Chris Tucker in a ground-breaking piece of filmmaking in which a black and white person are paired together as a little hilarity, and a lot of understanding, ensues.

That's part of the joke

Is it the Chris Tucker from Friday or the new religious Chris Tucker who wouldn't do Next Friday because he didn't want to curse?

It needs an animal. Either a talking animal or a very charismatic and intelligent animal. If it's a completely CGI animal that's even better.

I think you need to make it a period piece, set in 1905 Duluth, Minnesota.

A soundtrack heavy on Bryan Adams wouldn't hurt either.

I think a cameo by Snoop would definately be in order...however, I have already made a lifetime pact to boycott anything involving Chuck Norris.

Can you get a part for Mena Suvari in your movie...no real reason I just love her

General Failure wrote:It needs an animal. Either a talking animal or a very charismatic and intelligent animal. If it's a completely CGI animal that's even better.

No, no my friend... for this movie to work Chuck Norris' best friend needs to be a talking pie

As long as it's a really charismatic talking pie.

He can't go X-rated if he wants to reel in the big bucks.




Oh. You didn't mean that kind of pie? Sorry .