March 26, 2009
Fleeced by the Washington Redskins
Fleece (verb) - to take too much money from somebody by cheating or overcharging
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I can remember it like it was yesterday: January 30, 1983. It was the day that a 7-year-old named Keith Balmer watched his first ever NFL game. It was Super Bowl XVII and it featured the Miami Dolphins and the Washington Redskins. Back in those days the Super Bowl was nothing like the pop cultural behemoth that it is today. & nbsp;The networks weren't selling 30 seconds of airtime for 3 million dollars. 90 million Americans weren't watching. And Janet Jackson's nipples weren't falling out of her bra and into your grandfather's steak and cheese burrito. Yup, the Super Bowl was still years away from becoming a national holiday. The 'Skins would go on to win 27-17 and I became an instant fan. Little did I know that I had just entered into a relationship that I would commit to with unyielding support. It is this support that, 26 years later, must come into question. And I am not alone. Thousands are turning their backs on the franchise that, during the glory days of the 80s, united the most fractious city in America.
I vividly remember the Sunday Autumn afternoons I spent watching the 'Skins from the comforts of my grandparents living room on their old TV. My grandparents lived outside the city limits which meant that, during those days, they couldn't get cable. Every strong burst of wind would send me running outside to readjust the antenna. Back then, being a fan was cool. The 'Skins stood out. On the sidelines was their steely, paternal-like head coach Joe Gibbs. On the field they were led by their offensive line who were affectionately nicknamed The Hogs. The fans were cool too. My favorites were the grown men who would wear dresses, don wigs and fake pig noses and cheer until their lungs gave out. The Redskins played in the most intimidating stad ium in the league, RFK Stadium. The seats were so close to each other that you were practically sitting in your neighbor's lap. And when everybody stood and cheered, the entire stadium would sway back forth as if Washington D.C. was in the midst of an earthquake. And whenever one of our main rivals from the NFC-East came to town (New York, Philadelphia, and of course Dallas), it was truly electric. I could always feel the tension in the stadium, even though I watching from my hometown some 200 miles away.
I can remember the brief but wonderful Doug Williams-era. He was a journeyman quarterback looking for work when he arrived in D.C in 1986. A year later, after one of the greatest performances in NFL history, he was the MVP of Super Bowl XXII. And the really cool thing about Williams? He was the first black quarterback to lead his team to a Super Bowl. It was the single greatest sports moment of my childhood. I remember that day and the euphoria that went through Black America. Today it seems as if every team has an African American quarterback. But twenty years ago, there was a semi-racist notion that blacks didn't have the mental capacity to function as a quarterback. And the fact that my team blew that theory to hell was doubly sweet!
Doug Williams leads Washington over the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XXII<http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51w63MqWrDL._SS500_.jpg>
The 'Skins would win one more Super Bowl three years later. For those of you scoring at home, that's three championships in 8 years. I was like a kid who grew up rich because I was so spoiled by their success. I became accustomed to supporting a brand that every year, from September to January, produced a very fluid product. Unfortunately the beginning of the end was near. An exhausted Coach Gibbs would leave in 1993 and the team would immediately begin a downward spiral into mediocrity.
By all accounts Jack Kent Cooke was a cantankerous man. Born in Canada, he dropped out of high school and sold encyclopedias during the height of the Great Depression. In 1960 he moved to California where he purchased the Los Angeles Lakers. Although they won the 1972 NBA championship on his watch, he would eventually sell the team in 1979, the same year he signed a rookie from Michigan named Earvin "Magic" Johnson. He became the majority owner of the Washington Redskins in 1972. A shrewd businessman, he turned his passion (sports) into a powerful business and became a billionaire in the process. He was brash and eccentric and he delighted in the fact that he was difficult to work for. He married 5 times and his last child was born when he was 74 years old. In 1979 he was forced by Judge Wapner (yes, the guy from The People's Court) to pay his first ex-wife 49 million dollars, at the time the largest divorce settlement in American history. His last wife was a Colombian woman who served jail time for her stint as a drug runner. She once famously shot herself and, after a night out partying, hit a pedestrian with her Jaguar. Witnesses say that she sped off while the man was literally hanging from the roof of her car. In the end Cooke was a much-revered local celebrity. Washingtonians accepted the fact that the man was bat-sh*t crazy but nobody cared because he kept on winning Super Bowls. And he was a firm believer in front office stability. The 'Skins had the same General Manager (Bobby Beathard) and the same coach (Joe Gibbs) for 10 years. Beathard and Gibbs' relationship was famously contentious but in the end, their boss had the utmost faith in them. As former Washington Post columnist Tony Kornheiser stated:
"Jack Kent Cooke may not have been liked by everyone, but he sure liked being Jack Kent Cooke. Not only did he have fun being the owner of the Redskins, he was good at the job. In his way Cooke was a prince."
Jack Kent Cooke Hugs Joe Gibbs in 1991<http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/sports/images/redskins/cooke/jkc82.jpg>
The enigmatic owner died in 1997 just as the curtains unveiled on the new Redskin Stadium that he decided to name after himself. In his will, he chose not to leave the team to his son, John Kent Cooke. Instead the Washington Redskins were left to the Jack Kent Cooke Foundation with specific instructions that the team be sold to the highest bidder. It was a painfully regrettable choice.
In 1999, a 35-year-old hotshot businessman named Daniel Snyder bought the team for a then-record 800 million dollars (through mostly borrowed money). Snyder made his fortune in the field of direct marketing with a company he started with his sister in the late 80s. When I think of "direct marketing," I think about some annoying butthole calling my house while I'm in the middle of watching LOST and asking me if I'm happy with my long distance service. But what Snyder really made his chips on were acquisitions, swallowing other marketing companies and erasing the competition. He came into the league as a money-making wizard and he would dramatically change the Washington Redskins.
FedEx Field sits on a lot just off Arena Drive (Exit 16 off the I-495 Beltway) in the suburb of Landover, Maryland. The first thing you notice is how isolated the damn place is. There are no bars or restaurants in walking distance of the stadium. In fact, its surrounded by NOTHING. It's a stadium that was literally dropped into the middle of a suburban desert. When you see FedEx Field for the first time, you might find yourself quoting the famous Seth Myers, Amy Poehler line from Saturday Night Live:
"Really Michael Vick? Really??"
And unless you're looking for a flea market, there is simply no reason to go to Landover, Maryland. Unfortunately that's where the Redskins play their home games. It's big and shiny but it's also vapid with no sentimental appeal whatsoever. FedEx Field is like the new, really good-looking girlfriend that you get. All of your buddies compliment you on how stunning she is. And in the beginning you can't believe how lucky you are to be with a girl who is this fine. But sometime during say, the 4th date, it slowly starts to dawn on you that your hot new girlfriend has the personality of a fruit fly. She can't cook, doesn't watch sports, and thinks Jennifer Aniston is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
FedEx Field: Where wallets and pocketbooks go to die!<http://www.stadiumsofnfl.com/nfc/images/fedex08953main.jpg> Then one night she abruptly changes the channel from the LeBron James/Dw ayne Wade matchup because she wants to watch "For The Love of Ray J." It is at this moment, when you start visualizing different ways to kill her in her sleep, when you realize that maybe you made a mistake. Your last girlfriend wasn't as hot, but she was 10,000 times more compatible. She laughed at your jokes, loved sports, and could carry a conversation. Well, that's how I feel about FedEx Field. Although, it's better-looking than RFK Stadium, it's still just a lifeless drab of concrete. Pardon me. An expensive as hell, lifeless drab of concrete!
In 2007, SI.com ranked the total fan experience at FedEx 28th out of a possible 32. Let's take a look at why it now sucks to see the Washington Redskins in person.
Tickets (Average): $79 Parking: $40 1 Beer: $8 Hot Dog: $5 Fries:$6
Speaking of parking, if you're not a season-ticket holder you will NOT be able to park at the stadium. Instead, be prepared to park in some church lot 4 miles away, where you'll have to wait for a shuttle and then be prepared to wait some more while you sit in snarling traffic for at least an hour. And forget about public transportation. The nearest stop to the D.C. Metro is=2 0about a two mile walk. And leaving the stadium is the WORST. Just imagine 91,000 half-drunk people staggering to their cars and jumping on shuttle buses just to get to their cars. And then imagine these same (or is it sane?) people having to wait two hours before they are finally able to get on the freeway.
If I wanted to go a game today, I'm spending at least $140 on JUST MYSELF! The average family of four now spends somewhere in the neighborhood of $400 dollars! For one freaking football game!
"Really Michael Vick?? Really?"
I have friends from Boston who tell me that tickets to see the New England Patriots are expensive. But they won three Super Bowls this decade so I understand that. If the Redskins were a winning franchise people would show up with smiles on their faces. However, since Danny-Boy (the sardonic nickname D.C. sports fans gave him) bought the team, Washington has won just two playoff games in 10 years. Snyder's football philosophy is very simple:
Spend money like Bernie Madoff's wife at Tiffany's.
Every single offseason he throws insane amounts of money at overhyped free agents. In the beginning it appeared that he was spending so much money beca use he wanted to prove to the fans that he cared about winning. My initial response was the same as every other Redskin fan: "I may not like his methods, but I don't question his intent." But year after year, the team would start the season with tremendous expectations only to fizzle out in the end. And once I started to see the same scenario year, after year, after year, I began to get a little suspicious. Five of the last ten years, my team has had the highest payroll in the NFL. According to ESPN.com writer Thoman Neumann, Daniel Snyder has signed three of the worst contracts in NFL history. One of those contracts involved a wide receiver named Brandon Lloyd. Redskin fans knew he sucked but ol' Danny-Boy signed him to a ludicrous contract that included $11 million dollars guaranteed. To no one's surprise, Lloyd flamed out and was released after two amazingly unproductive seasons. He caught just 25 passes in two years. But he still walked away with $11 million guaranteed. That means he was paid $440,000 per catch. Neumann's list was only 10 deep. If it had been for example, the "50 Worst Contracts in NFL History," it's likely Snyder would've represented 25% of that list. In 1999, he inherited a team that won the division with a 10-6 record. That team won its home playoff game (the only one played at FedEx) but lost the next game in Tampa Bay. Instead20of doing the smart thing and tinkering with the roster just a bit, he decided to overhaul the whole damn thing. Captain CheckBook swooped in and went on a dizzying shopping spree. He signed free agent Deion Sanders to a 7-year, $56 million contract that included an $8 million signing bonus. He signed pass rusher Bruce Smith to a 5-year, $23 million deal that included a $4.25 signing bonus. He gave quarterback Jeff George a 4-year, $18.2 million deal and safety Mark Carrier a 5-year, $15.9 million deal.
On paper that team looked AWESOME. On the field they looked AWFUL, finishing just 8-8 and costing Coach Norv "deer in headlights" Turner his job. The problem with those guys that were brought in was obvious. Football players age faster than Lindsay Lohan. These guys were washed up and in Sanders' case, completely unmotivated. Was Snyder humbled by this experience? Of course not! He was just getting started. He signed wide reciever Laveranues Coles to a 7-year, $35 million contract in 2003 that included a $13 million signing bonus. In 2004, he wrote checks totaling $25.5 million in signing bonuses to cornerback Shawn Springs ($10.2 million), defensive tackle Cornelius Griffin ($8.3 million) and linebacker Marcus Washington ($7 million). He gave linebacker London Fletcher a $10 million signing bonus in 2007. Wide receiver Antwaan Randle-El, safety Adam Archuleta, and guard Randy Thomas all cashed signing bonuses in excess of $5 million.
And exactly how many playoff wins did all of this money buy? Redskins owner Daniel Snyder aka Satan.<http://img.slate.com/media/1/123125/123019/2133636/2133637/060120_press_SnyderEX.jpg>
One.
I'm getting a headache.
And it's not just the players. The coaching staff of the Washington Redskins are, year in and year out, the highest paid in the league. He fired Head Coach Marty Schottenheimer in 2001 after one season because he fell head over heels for college coach Steve Spurrier. And while he was a remarkably successful coach at the University of Florida, Spurrier had no experience at the pro level. Didn't matter. Snyder seduced him to come to Washington with a 5-year, $25 million contract. At the time, that was the richest contract any coach had ever signed in NFL history. Did I happen to mention the fact that Spurrier had no NFL coaching experience?
He only lasted two years.
And its the same story with assistant coaches. He overpays EVERYBODY. But it's always a doomed relationship because these guys never stick around more than a couple of years. There's NO continuity. How can you build a championship team when coaches leave as often as they do. Not even the surprise return of the iconic Joe Gibbs could shake this team out of i ts doldrums. After four years and two playoff appearances, Gibbs re-retired last year. The current Head Coach is Jim Zorn, who just so happens to be the 5th Head Coach we've had since Snyder bought the team. That's more coaches than any other team has had this decade. The Patriots, the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New York Giants have appeared in a total of 8 Super Bowls since 2000. How many head coaches have these three teams employed during this time? 5 . . . . combined. Snyder makes all the personnel decisions which is a problem considering the fact that he doesn't know a damn thing about football. In John Feinstein's book Next Man Up, former Redskin Assistant Coach Mike Nolan recalled his first meeting with Snyder.
“I still remember my first meeting with him,” Nolan said, shaking his head. “He was sitting at his desk, smoking a big cigar. First, he did about fifteen minutes on how he got to be rich. Then he said to me, ‘If I guaranteed you a fifty-thousand-dollar bonus for getting our defense to be in the top three in the league, would that be an incentive to get you to work harder?’
“I told him no, it wouldn’t, because with or without a bonus, I was going to give heart and soul to the job. He looked at me and said, ‘You’re probably another one of those guys who lets his wife tell him what to do, aren’t you?’”
Does that sound like somebody who knows what the hell he's doing?
Bonuses as an incentive to work harder?
What the f*ck is this?
Wall Street???
You can't buy a championship. And if there's anybody out there who thinks otherwise, I got some stock in Citigroup that I'd love to sell you. I used to think that he wanted to win. I used to think that because he grew up a local kid that he cared about the fans. Bullsh*t! He's nothing but a sinister little snake oil salesman in a $3000 Armani suit. I find the mere sight of him repellent. Like those Wall Street vampires who used Americans' taxpaying dollars to pay themselves bonuses, he has sucked money out of the pockets of the fans. When he bought the team, he immediately installed an additional 11,000 seats into the stadium. He immediately sold the stadium's naming rights to FedEx. And most disturbingly, he became the first owner in NFL history to charge fans to watch the team practice du ring training camp. The 'Skins now play in front of 91,000 fans, the largest audience in the NFL. Every game is a sellout and the waiting list for season tickets is somewhere between 15-20 years. And he consistently raises season ticket prices. And people continue to pay. This is because Washington D.C. loves the Redskins with the same passion that Green Bay loves the Packers and New Orleans loves the Saints. And this love affair is paying off big time for Danny-Boy. It's this love and his own flair for crass-ass mass commercialism that has turned the team into a box-office powerhouse. According to Forbes Magazine, the Washington Redskins are now the second most valuable franchise in the NFL with a net worth of 1.5 billion. The team's racks in $300 million in annual profits.
But for all the money he's making off the fans, there's a genuine discontent amongst us. If you go to a Redskin game and you listen to the fans talk, you'll quickly notice one thing. When they aren't verbally bashing the opponent, they're bashing Snyder. If you type "Dan Snyder sucks" into any internet seach engine, be prepared to come across websites that spit pure venomous bile. I went to one website the other day and was astonished when a fan compared Snyder to Osama Bin Laden and Hitler!!! And many are turning away, selling their tickets on stubhub.com <http://stubhub.com/> and E-Bay, creating a phenom enon in which the opposing team's fans are sometimes 40-50% percent of the crowd.
The absolute final straw was a couple of weeks ago. Snyder fired 24 employees. It was a "cost-cutting" move. Then, he turned right around a week later and shelled out 76 million dollars in guaranteed money for three overhyped free agents. With the amount of money this franchise makes, why would he EVER feel the need to lay off anybody?
That's it. I've had it with this guy. I will watch my team and I will root for them because I love them but I will never again allow myself to be deceived by them. And he will never get another dime of my money. I am financially boycotting my childhood sports team. The Washington Redskins are a phony, soulless, corporate product, the sports equivalent of A.I.G. And mark my words. As long as Daniel Snyder is in control of this team, they will NEVER EVER win another championship.
With all of this talk about government-sponsored bailouts, I think the time has come for me to ask for my very own bailout. I want somebody to bail me out of this long and painful nightmare.
