The office was large and plush. The 15-foot ceilings and large windows made even the largest of defensive linemen feel small. To one side was an equally large fire-place and in the middle or the room, with the windows behind it, was the desk of one Daniel M. Snyder.<\/p>\n
Rain pattered against the glass of the enormous windows, and gave the night an even more ominous feel. The only light in the office was coming from the crackling fire in the aforementioned fireplace.<\/p>\n
Snyder sat hunched behind his desk occasionally batting the top of one of the small army of Jason Taylor bobble-heads left over from last year disastrous trade.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou wanted to see me sir?\u201d said Vinny Cerrato as he entered the cavernous office.<\/p>\n
\u201cAh, Vinny,\u201d replied Snyder \u201chow are things going with the XMB-5000\u201d<\/p>\n
Snyder swept his hand across his desktop of Jason Taylors and Vinny couldn\u2019t help but feel like each of those little bobble-heads was nodding at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cUh, well sir, as a concept, I\u2019d say it\u2019s pure genius.\u201d Vinny continued \u201cWe have designed this computer to scan all the message boards and send in the plays that the fans want to see.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I got that from our last meeting, how is the progress?\u201d Snyder waved his hand across the bobble-heads again and set off another army of toys that seemed to agree with him. This made him smile. \u201cIf we can\u2019t use this thing to replace Jim Zorn, and I mean soon, I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m gonna do with that closet of Albert Haynesworth bobble-heads over there. Get a bigger desk I suppose.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell sir,\u201d said Vinny, tempering his words, \u201cIt seems to be working.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt does?\u201d said Snyder, brightening at the thought of good news.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes sir, but we keep running into the same problem.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure it\u2019s just some technical glitch, we can work that out right?\u201d said Snyder, who seemed to be attempting to hypnotize Vinny by continually making the bobble-heads nod.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure your right sir.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, what\u2019s the problem? Does it not understand the plays?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, no, it seems to know what the fans want alright.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it the fact that it talks like a Speak-and-Spell?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d said Vinny, starting to shake his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cIs Jason Campbell having trouble understanding it when it calls the play in through his helmet?\u201d said Snyder starting to laugh, \u201cBoy, that\u2019d be ironic, huh? You know for Campbell\u2019s first three years here, I<\/em> couldn\u2019t even understand him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHeh, heh, well, that would be irony\u201d said Vinny, \u201cbut that doesn\u2019t seem to be the problem either.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell what then?\u201d said Snyder starting to grow impatient, \u201cWhat else could there be? I\u2019ve spent 2.3 billion on R&D, brought in the best scientists money can buy to design the thing, what could possibly be wrong with it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell sir, I think we under-estimated the response from our \u2018fans\u2019 sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d said Snyder, settling back down in his chair, \u201cOh, you mean they have too many good ideas that it doesn\u2019t know which ones to pick, huh? Yeah, we do have the best fans in the league; certainly the smartest.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, there were<\/em> a lot of ideas\u2026\u201d said Cerrato; obviously hesitating, \u201cI\u2019m not sure how many were good<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo on\u2026\u201d said Snyder<\/p>\n \u201cWell, when we first got it all hooked up; Jason began to complain that the computer was recommending he commit suicide.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, that\u2019s not good.\u201d said Snyder.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not the worst of it.\u201d Said Cerrato, \u201cWhen we reset it and hooked it up again, it took us 20-minutes to get Jason\u2019s hands off Coach Zorn\u2019s neck.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, no\u201d said Snyder, burying his head in his hands.<\/p>\n \u201cThe machine kinda got away from us at that point,\u201d Vinny continued, \u201cand before we knew it Jason had kicked Clinton in the butt, smacked most of his offensive lineman, and I could be wrong, but I think he was on his way to your office to kill you before we were able to tackle him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank God he\u2019s slow\u201d said Snyder<\/p>\n \u201cAgreed,\u201d said Cerrato \u201cIt was very \u2018Manchurian Candidate\u2019 there for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo what do you think Vinny?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m afraid to hook the thing back up, sir.\u201d said Cerrato, \u201cYou know how the fans feel about me.\u201d<\/p>\n Snyder sighed, and with the air of resignation said \u201cYeah, you\u2019re probably right. Oh well, wouldn\u2019t be the first time I blew a bunch of money on a project that didn\u2019t work, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n No sir.\u201d Said Vinny<\/p>\n \u201cI do have a few ideas though\u201d continued Snyder as he swept up an armful of Jason Taylor bobble-heads and carried them over to the fire. As he began chucking them in one-by-one he looked over his shoulder and asked \u201cIs that guy Shanahan still available?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"