What follows is an answer to the chorus of complaints from the legions of fans who are tired of being distracted by “sensible” analysis backed by “facts” and “knowledge.” If you seek shelter from the twin storms that are “reality” and “logic,” then this is your port of call. <\/p>\n
1) The Panthers game was a true joy to watch, especially in-person, but\u2014and I hate to be picky\u2014some punting would have been nice. <\/p>\n
2)The Redskins cheerleaders really should be encouraged to find me in the crowd, make their way to my seats and reenact their previous performances so that I can scientifically assess whether or not they are as amazing as they appear from way, way above. It would be unfair of me to base my entire assessment from my seat in the second-to-last row in my section; I owe it to them to be thorough. <\/p>\n
3) The Fox television crew was remarkably erudite this week; they engaged in witty banter and based their conversation on facts and useful analysis as opposed to purely speculative nonsense. I also suspect they were drinking. <\/p>\n
Oh wait, that conversation took place between me and my brother, my mistake. <\/p>\n
Without having actually heard the TV broadcast, I will make some wild assumptions about the topics covered: \u201cThe Redskins spend a lot of money in free agency\u201d and \u201cDuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?\u201d That should be pretty accurate. <\/p>\n
4) Time to play: \u201cSix Degrees of Separation: Slap Fight Edition!\u201d Deion Sanders once \u201cplayed\u201d for the Redskins (sorry); Sanders once got into a slap fight with Andre Rison. <\/p>\n
OK, so that wasn\u2019t six degrees, but it did allow me to reference the worst fight in professional sports history. The NFL has been vigilant in its fight to keep this slaptastic bit of video off the Web. Damn them for that. <\/p>\n
5) Jim Mora Sr. (retired \u2026 or fired, depends on your perspective) thinks Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is a \u201ccoach killer\u201d, and ANY guy who manages to post a 0-6 career playoff record knows a thing or two about killing a coaching career. <\/p>\n
Just a guess but maybe it isn\u2019t Vick, maybe it\u2019s the surname. <\/p>\n
6) Finally, your unnecessarily long and totally ineffective chant for this week\u2019s opponent, done, as always, in a sing-song fashion: Your team\u2019s definition includes \u201ca small, light cannon in use from the 15th to the 17th century\u201d and \u201ca family of air-to-air guided missiles, some of them capable of carrying nuclear warheads\u201d! Haha \u2026 oh \u2026 wait \u2026 on second thought, that is terrifying \u2026 um, let\u2019s all remember that this is just a game.<\/p>\n
Edit: This blog was archived in May of 2016 from our original articles database.It was originally posted by Stephen Zorio<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"